1. The Scholar
Headphones in, ignoring the pushup contest or flash mob or whatever club is advertising free pizza in the middle of the walkway, The Scholar is all business. They don’t care about the country music playing a little too loudly all around or the table of 4 girls talking all too proudly about weekend escapades, they’re focused on the finance test they probably have in 20 minutes. Have they studied? Not even a little. They usually have a table to themselves, books and papers spread out, and you can almost see their dreams dissolving before your eyes. They’re the in-person music video for Daniel Powter’s 2005 classic “Bad Day”. Topical reference, I know. Could they be in the library wallowing in their self-pity? Absolutely. But they want you to look. They want you to see how smart and stressed they are, and they don’t know it yet, but they want you to give them a hug. So next time you see one, embrace them like the world is ending. Bonus points for a quadruple shot venti coffee and teardrop stained textbook.
2. The Time-Waster
To the untrained eye, the Time-Waster will appear exactly like the The Scholar. Au contraire, friend (that’s French for “You bet your sweet bottom you’re wrong”). Though they may have the laptop open and “Let It Go” blasting into their music holes like The Scholar or any human born with a proper set of ears, they are doing no such scholar-ing. Like a chameleon, the TW is blending in with their surroundings, burning time between classes by playing 2048 on their computer or using Pinterest to find diet and exercise plans they’ll most likely never use. Instead of the stress that’s oozing out of the Scholar, the TW’s main focus is to stay entertained until their next class or until their friends come.
3. The Breakfast Club
Somehow, someway, these ragtag little troublemakers are all really, really good friends. Based on outward appearance, they don’t look like they would want anything to do with the other people in their group, but lo and behold, there they are laughing and gallivanting all around our beloved student center together. Either way, there’s always a group that’s always together and just having the time of their young lives in the middle of Crosby. It’s kind of cute, actually.
4. Mr. Popular
Mr. Popular can be either a man or woman. It doesn’t matter. Their name is still Mr. Popular. This is the person that takes a half hour to get through the first floor of Crosby because they keep stopping to talk to, well, everyone. You start to wonder if they’ve paid off these people to make them look like a big shot in the middle of the busiest building on campus. Everyone, from the Crosby desk workers to the baristas at the café to the little kids visiting on a field trip seem to know, love, and respect this person. Funnily enough, usually they’ll just walk straight through Crosby, seeming to have no purpose other than to be popular.
5. The Mac and Cheese Enthusiast
If you’ve never had LoCro’s famous macaroni and cheese and are not allergic to macaroni and/or cheese, stop right now, turn around, and get some. Unless they’re closed. Then you should probably wait until morning. But seriously, I’ve noticed it and I’ve been guilty of it: some people come to Crosby just to get that wonderfully stringy, cheesy and mac-tastic goodness. Not that I have been or ever will be a felon, but I’ve put some thought into this: if I ever need a last meal, LoCro macaroni and cheese will definitely be making an appearance. Once they obtain their hot, carbo-loaded prize, the Enthusiast will find a seat to themselves (hopefully, because nobody wants to be in that splash zone), and go to town on that bad boy. Fight the good fight, my friends.