If you’ve seen A Christmas Story, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Next time you have to trek from Kennedy to the BARC, maybe give The Ralphie a try. It’s pretty simple, really. Just pile on every single item of clothing you have, winter or not, and sort of roll yourself in the direction you want to go. This is especially effective for the chubbier folk, as you can try to pick up guys or girls without them knowing what you really look like. It’s also hilarious that with this method you’re one solid jab from rolling down the hill into Lake Arthur.
The Human Jacket
This one’s a little bit of a stretch, but it’s a guaranteed way to have a 98.6 degree jacket. Essentially what we’re looking at here is a backwards piggy back. They’ll jump on to your front and hang on for dear life, pressing their body against yours. This one does come with some strings attached, however. You gotta like the person. And hope they shower. And they also shouldn’t weigh more than you unless you want some extreme quad blasting.
Live in College Hall
I’ve thought about this a lot and I definitely think it’s possible. It’s always weirdly warm and open 24/7 and you have Panda Express and Crosby close by for nourishment. You would never feel cold again. Spend your nights jumping from classroom to classroom sleeping, use the free water fountains and bathrooms, and go to classes for human interaction. You’d never have to set an alarm clock because the 8 AM classes would just kick you out of your bed.
Assuming your car has heat, this is also a viable option. And I’m talking driving right up to the door of your classroom if possible. Sure, your fuel bill will be a little higher, but you’ll be able to walk everywhere as toasty as a marshmallow. Gas is also pretty cheap right now, so this is absolutely the time to shine.
Three Words: Sleeping Bag Coat
Sleeping bags are engineered the way they are for one reason: to keep your buns warm while you’re sleeping on the hard ground outside. So why not make it into a daily thing? They have those below zero bags out now, so you should become a below zero person. Just poke arm and leg holes in the bag and you will be like a giant walking burrito of warmth.