Ben Yaks Back – 2/18

For some reason, the app Yik Yak has been insanely popular at GU. Yik Yak is an anonymous Twitter feed where people can say whatever they want, which can prompt some inappropriate content. Yik Yak also uses location services on your phone, so the Yaks you see are guaranteed to be from people in your area.


“hot girl sat down and started talking to me in Crosby I’m down”

Well get back up champ! You have a hot girl talking to you! What was she trying to sell?


My mixtape. Peep my Soundcloud of parody songs I recorded. Check out “Ninjas in Paris” and “I Don’t Fart With You.” It’s straight fire, fam.

“I’m ready for a solid relationship. A guy that actually wants only one girl and that is faithful”

Well brace yourself, because with most guys you’re going to get a gaseous relationship! Hahaha. I’m going to get fired from this soon.

“I can’t write essays about analyzing literature it’s so hard how r people good at this.”

Because they use punctuation, spell full words and don’t write run-on sentences.

“I wonder how many Yak geniuses are people I know.”

Okay, “Yak geniuses” should not be a term. If we went back in time and told Albert Einstein or Thomas Edison about Yik Yak, there’s no way they would post stuff like “Ugh…so lonely, who wants to snuggle? I just want to find a girl who will commit. Random joke I stole off the internet.” The term “Yak genius” makes as much sense as a mean Dutch Bros employee.



“Prof called me out and straight up asked me what’s wrong with my forehead”

I’m sure he did. I’m sure your professor, who most likely has worked at this Jesuit school for a few years, did not know what Ash Wednesday was. I’m sure you were the first person he saw that day, and I’m sure he was insensitive enough to ask you what was “wrong” with your forehead. I believe you so much.

“Nothing is a weirder feeling than dating someone for such a long time then not dating them anymore.”

So you mean breakups suck? Totally. How has nobody thought of this before? How has nobody else expressed that breakups are hard? Why aren’t there movies, songs, TV episodes and plays dedicated to the very phenomena and feeling you have right now? Let’s get you published.

“I had a dream I went for a run, and then all my teeth fell out and all my ex’s hated me. I’m staying in bed today.”

That’s why I don’t go for runs. It’s safer. Not worth the risk.


Categories: Yak Back

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