This past week, I was fortunate enough to go to Las Vegas for spring break to watch the WCC tournament. It was awesome. I saw a man dressed as Optimus Prime hand out flyers for a strip club in 80 degree weather. Las Vegas is aptly named “Sin City” for its history of promiscuous and lewd behavior, gambling, and lack of open alcohol container laws. Now, those of you familiar with the world’s number 1 bestseller, The Bible, know that there are seven deadly sins that apparently make you an awful person. These are lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride. Here are some first-hand accounts I had witnessing these seven sins in Sin City.
I’m starting with this one because it’s hands down the easiest. When there’s a sweet old woman on the street handing you cards that promise “girls to you in 20 minutes,” you know exactly what kind of soliciting works in Las Vegas. There were dancers, strip clubs and cards of topless women on the ground everywhere. It made me want to take a shower. But then I realized that showers can be dirty too.
A preface on this: Gluttony essentially translates to “loving to stuff your fat face full of unnecessary food.” The Monte Carlo, where hundreds of Zags stayed, had a 24-hour Subway AND McDonalds in its lobby. So essentially you got to choose whether you wanted to be unhealthy or really unhealthy whenever you wanted. Not to mention the ads for all you can eat and drink buffets in essentially every single hotel. And, of course, the In-N-Out Burger located just outside the strip. Was all this necessary? No. Not at all.
I’m not perfect. I know I may come across as such, but I’m not. This was the sin I was most guilty of in Las Vegas. But how can you not be a little greedy when all you have to do is pull a lever and you get free money? With labyrinth-like casinos in every single hotel, it’s hard not to gamble. There’s flashing lights, nice music, and little Chinese babies on the screen that giggle when you’re a “Big Winner!” (which, to be honest, was more terrifying than endearing). But once you win that first hand of blackjack or get that lucky roulette spin, you’re hungry for more. That’s why they have ATMs everywhere. Your life can go from Wolf of Wall Street to Good Will Hunting real quick.
Important, and I can’t say this enough: NOT the animal. It’s a common mistake. I hope. It’s essentially laziness. And nothing encapsulates laziness like a moving sidewalk. By having the sidewalk move for you, you’re negating half of the word “sidewalk.” It’s turning into a sidestand. And they have railings, because Lord knows we don’t want you to fall over standing still. I mean, how lazy are you that you can’t walk 50 feet into another casino to lose money? One people mover took you from outside, down a ramp, up a ramp and right to a bar. This is why people hate America, people.
Wrath translates to “rage.” So while there were a good amount of middle-aged men that were yelling at machines for “cheating them,” most of the raging came inside the nightclubs. Holy smokes. A lot of the time the clubs looked like parties that rich guys throw in movies. I was half expecting James Bond to be chasing a villain down through the middle of the dance floor. People were raging, alright.
Not so much with guys, but when girls went out at night they took hours getting ready. Hours that could have been spent by the pool or on the strip were spent making sure that their makeup was perfect and everything was pushed, smashed and situated exactly right. But the funny part was they were always judgmental of the other girls. Hard. Envious? They’d never say so, but I saw some glares that would say otherwise.
The entire city is guilty of this one. It’s like every building in Vegas is trying to one-up the one that’s next to it. The textbook Biblical example is the building of the Tower of Babel, which resulted in everybody speaking different languages. Vegas tried to recreate the New York skyline and put a roller coaster in front of it. What happens next?