Why Gonzaga Is Better Than Duke

By Ben Yee on March 31, 2015 • ( 5 )

After Sunday’s heartbreak loss against Duke, it’s pretty safe to say that everyone on campus who had looked at a basketball before was bummed out. After a record breaking and historic season, the Gonzaga men’s basketball team fell 52-66 in a tight game. It’s easy to become pessimistic after a loss like that, but here’s some ways Gonzaga’s better than Duke to ease your mind.

Mascot

Here’s what probably happened. Duke, in all its terribleness, most likely wanted to be called the Devils. This probably didn’t fly because the good Christian people of Durham, North Carolina saw it as a religious symbol for everything bad in the world. Which, you know, it kind of is. So then the genius head of their marketing/mascot naming division panicked, asked what the school colors were, and said screw it, now we’re the the Blue Devils. And it stuck. But could they have picked any worse of a drawing? Their mascot looks like a steampunk-era goblin about to ride a motorcycle.

Alumni

Notable Gonzaga alumni include people like John Stockton, Bing Crosby and Tom Foley, former Speaker of the House. You know who Duke had? Nixon. That’s right, the President most famous for being an idiot and messing everything up in the ’80s went to Duke University School of Law. Instead of the all time assist leader, a guy who your mom loves at Christmas time, and a squeaky clean Speaker, Duke produced a man who famously said, “I am not a crook,” and then turned out to be a real piece of work.

Year of foundation

Duke was founded in 1838. Not a bad year, right? Just 525,600 minutes of your typical 1800s debauchery. But nope. John Wilkes Booth, famous for assassinating one of our nation’s greatest presidents, was born May 10, 1838. And to make matters worse, William Clark, of Lewis and Clark fame, died September 1 of that year too. To compare, Gonzaga was founded in 1887, the same year Minot, North Dakota became a city and Georgia O’Keefe was born. 1838 was a terrible year for everything and the year that Duke was founded. Coincidence? I think not.

Colors

Gonzaga’s official colors (according to Wikipedia) are just blue and red. Nothing fancy, just two great colors that look good on everyone. Our shade of blue is slimming and powerful, and the Dalai Lama wears a lot of red so that has to mean something. Also America. But Duke’s colors are white and Duke blue. Again, DUKE blue. How much more pretentious can you get? Although Gonzaga green has a cool sound to it, I’m pretty sure all the colors have been invented. Which means that there’s some Renaissance artist somewhere who mixed colors together perfectly to create a shade of blue, and then Duke in their awfulness took it and claimed it as their own. Repulsive.

StudentAdvisor doesn’t lie

StudentAdvisor.com is essentially a “Rate My Professor” for the entire school. Let’s look at some of Duke’s reviews.

“The worst thing about Duke is how expensive it is. Many students who even get in cannot afford the extremely high cost of the university.”

“Durham has got to be the worst ‘sollege town’ ever. Apart from the university, very little warrants living there. It is still reeling from the end of the tobacco era.”

“Party culture is pervasive — make sure that entering students know to find their own friends. You dont have to participate if you dont want to.”

That doesn’t sound very good. Let’s look at the Gonzaga reviews.

“The thing I absolutely LOVE about Gonzaga is its small size. I love the feeling of community and connectedness and actually experiencing life as it can be lived with people.”

“The best thing about Gonzaga is their Broadcast studies programs. We have our own TV studio and countless opportunities to volunteer for different broadcast events!”

“Gonzaga has many faculty members who are very caring people. Because the basketball teams have performed well in recent years there is a certain air of school spirit about”

This looks like a no contest to me. Of course, these are just quotes I picked and may be a little bit biased, but they’re still actual reviews on the site. Go Zags.