The Best of Ben Yaks Back

I’ve had this silly column for about seven months now. How I got my bosses to green light a column that essentially makes fun of what people say, I have no idea. When I started this, Hemmingson still wasn’t close to done. Ebola wasn’t a thing. Obama had just been elected (this one I’m not positive on, I’m not good at politics). So to wrap up this weekly installment that basically helped define my senior year, I went through all 16 of my Yak Backs to pick out some of my favorites. Thanks for the laughs and thanks for the Yaks, guys.

“Shoutout to the girl that was squatting over 3 plates in the gym today!!! I’m still so impressed.”

That’s nothing. Call me when she squats over something cool, like a tub full of knives or a pit of fire.

“It’s happening”

excited animated GIF

Do you need aid?

When I’m Russian to my 8 am, there’s no time for Stalin.

Make sure you’re Putin on a warm coat first. It’d KGB a bummer if you had to go back.

Biggest fear is letting my parents down.

My biggest fear is letting my pants down.

“Gym tip: run like that girl you hate is watching you and judging you”


If you ever see me running through tears and whispering, “Why did you leave me,” you’ll know I followed your advice.

“I’m already slowly dying”

You know what’s sad? This has theoretically been true since the second we were born. Slowly but surely, every single day we get closer and closer to our inevitable deaths. Each day we are slowly dying until one day the deed will be complete. Gosh, aren’t Wednesdays the best?

“I like my women like I like my passwords: strong”

Reaction GIF: flirting, Miguel, The Road to El Dorado

I like my women how I like my passwords: confusing and forgetting which one is which.

When’s the best time to cut a tree down? 8am

I…I don’t get the joke. Is it like a subtle thing about the government? Like the tree represents democracy and 8 A.M. represents the conservatives?

“I can always tell who posted a photo on Instagram by who looks better”

That’s why I always Instagram food. As good looking as I may be, I’ll always find a gourmet Italian dish that looks a million times better.



“I am eating popcorn chicken while pooping. This is it, I have reached the pinnacle of human achievement”

“You inspire us” – Gonzaga

“Someone bring me food.. ill cuddle you and share it with you!! All i want is puffy cheetos and chocolate chip cookies lol”

Mention of food? Check. Cuddling? Of course. Poor grammar? Naturally. This may be the most Yik Yakiest Yak of all time.

“I wonder if when a fish breaks up with another fish, the fish friends say, ‘don’t worry. There’s plenty of humans on the land’”

Fish don’t have relationships. Or friends. They only have SCHOOLmates. Get it? See, if I actually liked Yik Yak, I could become your God.


Categories: Yak Back


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