College does weird things to people. Habits that we consider acceptable within the bubble of Gonzaga may come off as strange in the real world. The new COG dining hall is a perfect example of this phenomenon. Journey with me as we explore the actions of Zags at the COG as opposed to a nice restaurant.
1. Eating Habits
At a restaurant, people eat in a way that most people would describe as “normal.” If you’re full, you take leftovers home. You don’t just shove food down your throat; you take the time to actually appreciate what you’re eating. You leave the meal satisfied and in good spirits. You wouldn’t even dream of ordering more than one meal for yourself. After all, what are you? A barbarian?
There are no rules. There is only chaos. I’ve seen a buddy of mine get five different meals in one sitting. I once saw a kid take an entire pizza and then later go back for seconds. It’s like college students think that every meal is their last. For those of you who still think the Freshman 15 is just a myth, I dare you to go to the COG for more than a minute and not be amazed that it isn’t the Freshman 40.
2. Eating With Others
If you and your friends go out together, you’re going to make sure you have a good time. Conversation is light and friendly, your witty banter has never been better. You talk at appropriate volumes about anything and everything. It’s great to have company, isn’t it?
It’s 8 in the morning. You both know you only went together so you didn’t look like a loner eating by yourself. You look far more interested in your hash browns than your friend. In fact, you’re half convinced that your only friend is food right now. And you know what? That’s okay.
3. Small Talk With Staff
Waiter: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”
Diner: “I’m okay, thanks though.”
Waiter: “More bread for the table, perhaps? Would you like to hear the specials again? I’ll laugh at any corny dad joke you tell me even though I’ve already heard that exact joke ten times today!”
Diner: “I’m really okay. Thank you.”
Diner: “Good morning, Kay! How are you today?”
Kay: “I’m peachy!”
Diner: “Awesome! Have a good one, Kay!”
Diner: “Excuse me sir, my pizza came out a little cold.”
Waiter: “I am so terribly sorry sir, let me fix that for you right away. Your meal will be on the house and the entire kitchen staff will be fired immediately to set an example for all future chefs.”
Diner: “Excuse me sir, my pizza came out a little cold. Which is fantastic because now it won’t burn the roof of my mouth as I eat my twentieth consecutive piece. Well done, sir. Well done.”
5. Dress Code
How nice is the restaurant? Will you have to wear a button up and slacks? Is this one of those places that will kick you out for wearing jeans? Oh God, is that a stain on my shirt? IS THAT A STAIN ON MY SHIRT? I can’t go out tonight, sorry.
If I had a nickel for every time I saw somebody wearing pajamas at the COG, I’d have enough money to not have to eat at the COG. It’s funny how that works.