Yak Attack: 9/24/15

Some of you may remember a former segment on the Bulldog Blog, Ben Yaks Back, where a writer would respond to the popular app Yik Yak. Yik Yak is an anonymous feed where people can say whatever they want, which can prompt some inappropriate, weird, and sometimes downright stupid content. Yik Yak also uses location services on your phone, so the Yaks you see are guaranteed to be from people in your area. This is my response.

1. “Does anybody else miss Pangos?”


I think we all do, fellow Zag. The new season hasn’t even started yet and there’s already a Pangos-shaped hole in my heart. Now if I hold up a sign that says “4=3” people will just think that I’m really bad at math. At least we can take solace in the fact that he’s playing basketball in a gorgeous island paradise in the Canary Islands. He’s in a better place now.

2. “When the lady at the cog says “enjoy” and you say “you too””


This happened to me once last year and I’m still not sure if I’ve recovered from it yet. There’s some COG employee out there who thinks I’m a complete idiot, and I really don’t think she’s wrong. This is right up there with saying “you too” after someone says happy birthday to you.

3. “My roommate won’t stop singing Disney songs and she’s very off tune.”


This better not be a complaint, anonymous Yakker. There is absolutely nothing wrong with singing Disney songs, on-tune or otherwise. Disney songs automatically give singers a good voice. You keep doing you, roommate, especially if that in anyway involves Mulan.

4. “Anybody else wake up in the middle of the night having no idea where they are? Happened to me like 4 times already.”


I don’t know anybody that has this happen to them and I have so many questions for you. This is how awesome spy movies happen. Please let me know if you ever wake up to find yourself surrounded by beaten enemies/in another country/with a second family.

5. “yik yak is where great comedians live in secrecy”


Yik Yak is absolutely not where great comedians live in secrecy. It’s not where any kind of comedian lives, in secrecy or any other state. It is everything that is wrong with society. It’s 50% played out jokes that had already been circulating the internet for months before they appeared on Yik Yak, 30% insecure, lonely students that whine about how insecure and lonely they are, 10% misused memes, and only 9% decent, non offensive content. The remaining 1% are the poor, naïve students that posted original, funny content without knowing that their jokes would be copied and butchered so many times that they would regret ever posting it in the first place.

6. “I’m never going to know how Ted feels about Lebron going back to the Cavs and that will be the death of me.”


Lets end on a happier note! I felt bad for this user because this Yak had 4 downvotes whereas somebody once Yakked “hair” and got four upvotes. I did some incredibly deep, complex, crazy undercover investigating (Google) and found this for you. Enjoy! http://www.ew.com/article/2014/07/14/video-ted-mosby-of-himym-responds-to-lebron-james-big-move

*Author’s note: Typos in Yaks are left in so that you understand what we’re dealing with.


Categories: Yak Attack

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