Some of you may remember a former segment on the Bulldog Blog, Ben Yaks Back, where a writer would respond to the popular app Yik Yak. Yik Yak (or Twitter for cowards) is an anonymous feed where people can say whatever they want, which can prompt some inappropriate, weird, and sometimes downright stupid content. Yik Yak also uses location services on your phone, so the Yaks you see are guaranteed to be from people in your area. This is my response.
1. “Have you noticed how everyone follows driving laws while walking up and down the stairs”
I have yet to see anybody use their blinker to signal a turn on the stairs, so I’m assuming this Yakker is referring to the unspoken rule that you stay to the right while walking up/down stairs. Somebody noted in the comments that this was basically an international rule, which got me thinking. Do people walk on the left side of the stairwell in places like England? Maybe I’ll see if I can get Student Publications to send me to Europe to investigate. [Editor’s note: nice try.]
2. “Up vote if you’re white.”
This was an obvious attempt to get upvotes (3,508 of them if every white student had voted) but it still got to me. As an Asian/White hybrid, I was certainly in a pickle. How can I half upvote a Yak? I was in a Yik Yak purgatory of sorts. Should I upvote and then un-upvote? Should I downvote in support of my fellow students of color? I was stressing out until I remembered I hate Yik Yak and this was literally the least of my problems.
3. “In Soviet Gonzaga, squirrel scare you”
Terrible, nonsensical, outdated joke aside; this person is implying that they’re normally scared of squirrels. You know, the tiny furry things that are pretty much known for not being scary. So, yeah. Good luck in life, Yakker.
4. “I chose Panda over being on time to class. Go Zags.”
Don’t say “Go Zags” after that statement. That’s not what being a Zag is about. Text “Go Zags” to your best friend from high school after our basketball team beats their school’s. Say “Go Zags” when you see a nun on a treadmill at the gym in full nun-uniform (whatever that’s called). Exchange a “Go Zags” with a stranger if you see them wearing a Gonzaga sweatshirt in your hometown. There are a ton of things that are worthy of a “Go Zags,” but being late to class is not one of them.
5. Moment Of Sanity: “I don’t understand why some people take Yik Yak so seriously.”
For every 100 Yaks that make me want to stick a screwdriver in my eye, there are maybe two that don’t. Sometimes, once in a blue moon, a Yakker will post something that I actually agree with. In this case, I agree with you, fellow Zag. I, too, don’t understand why some people take Yik Yak so seriously. But that won’t stop them. It’s you and me against the world, Yakker. Stay strong.
*Author’s note: Typos in Yaks are left in so that you understand what we’re dealing with.
Categories: Yak Attack