Yak Attack: 10/15/15

Some of you may remember a former segment on the Bulldog Blog, Ben Yaks Back, where a writer would respond to the popular app Yik Yak. Yik Yak (or Twitter for cowards) is an anonymous feed where people can say whatever they want, which can prompt some inappropriate, weird, and sometimes (mostly) downright stupid content. Yik Yak also uses location services on your phone, so the Yaks you see are guaranteed to be from people in your area. This is my response.

1. “To my test today: 10% luck, 20% skill, 70% concentrated adderall pill”
Cray_Person

This song was mediocre in 2005, what makes you think it would be relevant now? You come across as an even sadder Weird Al Yankovic. More importantly though: why are you saying this to your test? When you really think about what you’re saying, you’re just spouting that random, unfunny phrase to your test, which makes no sense.

2. “I tried to FaceTime the police last night”
Pleasant_Stanley_Nodding

I’m sure you did. That sounds totally realistic and like something a responsible college kid would do on a Wednesday. We believe you.

3. “S/O TO MY ONLINE SHOPPING ADDICTION FOR MAKING IT LOOK LIKE PEOPLE LOVE ME AND SEND ME MAIL”

My_Boi_Harry_Potter

Although your capitalization makes you sound like you’re screaming at me, I can actually see this being a thing. There’s no worse feeling than opening your mail slot and finding no mail and then having to walk out of the mailroom like an unloved, empty handed freak. Oh God, I’m so alone.

4. “Beyoncé.” “Pizza” “Jeb Bush”
Ronny_Swan_Typewriter

These were three consecutive Yaks, which confuses me. It’s like people are so desperate for attention but also so lazy that they’re just saying words they think people will like so that they get upvotes. Actually, this doesn’t confuse me at all. Desperation and laziness is exactly what Yik Yak is.

5. Moment Of Sanity: “So many potentially good yaks have been ruined by poor grammar #rip”
Tracy_Morgan_Jordan_Grammar

Although I doubt there would be “so many” good Yaks if people could write at a fourth grade level, it would definitely make it easier to read. Seriously though, how long would it take for you to just reread your 80 character Yak just once before posting? Poor grammar and misspelled words are things I’d expect from Saint Mary’s, not here. Come on now.

*Author’s note: Typos in Yaks are left in so that you understand what we’re dealing with.

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Categories: Yak Attack

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