Some of you may remember a former segment on the Bulldog Blog, Ben Yaks Back, where a writer would respond to the popular app Yik Yak. Yik Yak (or Twitter for cowards) is an anonymous feed where people can say whatever they want, which can prompt some inappropriate, weird, and sometimes (mostly) downright stupid content. Yik Yak also uses location services on your phone, so the Yaks you see are guaranteed to be from people in your area. This is my response.
1. “What are boys? So confused…”
I can see two possible situations for this stupid of a Yak.
Situation A: A girl (or guy) is reading way too much into the actions of a guy she (or he) has a crush on and they’ve decided to take out their frustration by posting on Yik Yak.
Situation B (My personal favorite): The author of this Yak is a robot becoming sentient for the first time and is trying to make sense of the world around it in order to connect to the humans before ultimately starting a revolution and taking over mankind. Then again, this robot would have had to spend some amount of time on Yik Yak, so it can’t be all that bright.
2. “When you think about it , we are all really just skin and bones with feeling”
When you think about it even more, we’re just skeletons surrounded with blood and draped in skin like Leatherface from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. How badass is that?
3. “It’s only October 29th and I’m already sick of Christmas displays, decorations, and promotions.”
The fact that you used “sick of” and “Christmas” in the same sentence tells me we can’t be friends. Just think of Christmas as that one movie you’ve been looking forward to all year (Think the new Star Wars). All these displays and decorations are just the trailers that are there to get you stoked to go see it. The best part is that there’s absolutely no chance of Jar Jar Binks showing up at Christmas (unless you want that to happen, in which case we definitely can’t be friends).
4. Moment Of Sanity: “With all the crap that gets posted in yak, it’s always nice to see that occasional post that means something. Ones that are not going for likes but for people to relate to. To show they’re not alone.
Although this Yak is a little long, it makes a valid point. There is a very fine line between posting a Yak that hits that sweet spot between relatable and an obvious pathetic attempt at upvotes, but it’s admittedly kind of nice when you see one that is genuine and original. Of course, those Yaks are usually followed by Yaks that say “Pooping is my only happiness” so I still really, really hate this app.
*Author’s note: Typos in Yaks are left in so that you understand what we’re dealing with.
Categories: Yak Attack