Some of you may remember a former segment on the Bulldog Blog, Ben Yaks Back, where a writer would respond to the popular app Yik Yak. Yik Yak (or Twitter for cowards) is an anonymous feed where people can say whatever they want, which can prompt some inappropriate, weird, and sometimes (mostly) downright stupid content. Yik Yak also uses location services on your phone, so the Yaks you see are guaranteed to be from people in your area. This is my response.
1. “Is it too late to become a hermit crab?”
We’re already off to a great start here. Being the renowned journalism professional I am, I did a bit of research.
Fact 1: Hermit crabs only live for around 10 years with good care. That’s not a lot of time to do hermit crab things.
Fact 2: There are way cooler animals you could turn into.
Fact 3: As far as my research could tell, you can’t become a hermit crab if you’re already a human.
I guess it is too late to become a hermit crab. Sorry, kid.
2. “I hate getting sick [emoji with surgical mask]”
This is really necessary to say. I’m glad that you felt compelled to tell us all that you hate getting sick, which is a fact that most of us couldn’t assume on our own. Thank you for sharing this absolutely not pointless Yak.
3. “Would you rather be a cat, or a dog?”
Either one is an excellent choice. All they do is sleep, eat, and poop anywhere they want. That’s the dream, really. I’d probably be a dog though. They seem like the have a lot more fun.
4. “Thanksgiving break is so close yet so far away…”
Thank goodness. Thanksgiving is literally everything I love. Overeating without being judged? Yep. A day closer to Christmas? Absolutely. An excuse to watch that episode of Friends where Monica’s head gets stuck in the turkey? You best believe it. And I guess it’s kinda cool to see family too. But the Friends thing is probably what I’m most thankful for.
5. Moment Of Sanity: “To everyone who doesn’t know how it works here: we open doors, we only occupy one side of the stairwell and we’re nice to each other #thezagway #dontlikeit? #getout”
If you take out the excessive and annoying hashtags, I agree with this Yak. A few months ago a stranger didn’t hold the door open for me and to this day I am still full of hatred and anger towards her. The three rules this Yakker listed are pretty standard Zag rules. Follow them if you don’t want to be repeatedly hit by a revolving door in my fantasies.
*Author’s note: Typos in Yaks are left in so that you understand what we’re dealing with.
Categories: Yak Attack