The 5 Easiest New Year’s Resolutions For Zags

A new year means a new you, according to those annoying kids on Twitter. The New Year gives many a chance to reflect on the past and make changes for the future in the form of New Year’s resolutions. What will your resolution be this year? Go to the gym five times a week? Cut all desserts from your diet? Get a 4.0 GPA for the semester? 2016 you will be the best you yet! Of course, you’re going to fail your resolutions. Everybody always does, so you shouldn’t feel too bad.

At this point, many of you are saying, “But Jacob, I don’t want to be a failure again. I want to actually keep my resolution!” I hear you, Internet. That’s why I’ve come up with some easy resolutions for you that you can actually keep.

I’m aware of the fact that New Year was 13 days ago, but I wasn’t blogging 13 days ago, was I? Just read the article.

 1. Write The Year “2015” Less

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This first resolution is perfect for students who wrote the year “2015” a lot last year. All you have to do to call your 2016 a success is to simply write “2015” less. This may seem complicated at first, but with hard work and determination, even the most avid 2015-writer can give up this habit.

2. Correct Somebody’s Pronunciation Of “Gonzaga”

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You’ll have plenty of opportunities to do this resolution since it seems like nobody outside of Spokane knows how to pronounce our school’s name. All you have to do is find somebody calling our school “Gon-Zaw-Gah” and tell them to not do that. You’ve got this.

3. Figure Out Where Roncalli Hall Is

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It goes by many names: “Roncalli,” “The Dirty Ronc,” “Purgatory.” You’ve heard only whispers of this coffin-shaped dorm since freshman year. Some people you know may even have claimed to have lived there at one point. All this resolution really takes is a quick Google search, but the mystique would be gone forever. Do you really want to find out?

4. Watch This Video From Our President 

 

Although 2016 is only 14 days old, I can already say with 100% certainty that this video, dropped by Gonzaga President Thayne McCulloh (A.K.A. M.C. Culloh, A.K.A Thanye West)  is the hottest video of the year. Just watch it.

 

5. Read At Least One Article From The Bulldog Blog

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Looks like 2016’s already a success! Nice.

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