Some of you may remember a former segment on the Bulldog Blog, Ben Yaks Back, where a writer would respond to the popular app Yik Yak. Yik Yak (or Twitter for cowards) is an anonymous feed where people can say whatever they want, which can prompt some inappropriate, weird, and sometimes (mostly) downright stupid content. Yik Yak also uses location services on your phone, so the Yaks you see are guaranteed to be from people in your area. This is my response.
1. “They should put one way mirrors on stalls so you can see who’s trying to break down the f****** door”
First of all: no. Let’s not put one-way mirrors on bathroom stalls. No matter how you think about it, that’s an absolutely terrible idea. Do you know how creepy it would be to be in a bathroom and know that people could be watching you from the toilet? Hint: very. It would be very creepy.
Also, you know that people trying to break down your stall door while you’re on the bathroom isn’t a normal thing, right? If that keeps happening, please contact the appropriate authorities.
2. “Girls are confusing. Note: I am a girl”
What a crazy plot twist! Let me break this down for all of you that got lost in the twists and turns of this labyrinth of a Yak.
- The Yakker starts out this Yak with a simple statement: girls are confusing. At this point, you’re probably thinking, “What a typical thing for a boy to say!”
- It is then that this digital M. Night Shyamalan hits us with the biggest plot twist since The Sixth Sense. We, the unsuspecting viewers, are hit with the revelation that the Yakker is a female.
Mind = blown.
3. “I think I love you”
The problem with Yik Yak is that it often feels like you’re intruding on other peoples’ private conversations. Of course in this case, I genuinely believe the Yakker is talking to only me. I think I love you too, Yakker, but this relationship could never work. After all, you use Yik Yak. I’m afraid this can never be.
4. “I see you wearing that cashmere sweater boy *smirking emoji* *heart eyes emoji*”
Who is this Cashmere Sweater Boy and why is somebody wearing him? Haha! That’s just some good ol’ fashioned family humor right there.
*Author’s note: Typos in Yaks are left in so that you understand what we’re dealing with.