Some of you may remember a former segment on the Bulldog Blog, Ben Yaks Back, where a writer would respond to the popular app Yik Yak. Yik Yak (or Twitter for cowards) is an anonymous feed where people can say whatever they want, which can prompt some inappropriate, weird, and sometimes (mostly) downright stupid content. Yik Yak also uses location services on your phone, so the Yaks you see are guaranteed to be from people in your area. This is my response.
1. “Worlds best pickup line: I’m writing a book – what kind of book? A phone book, but it’s not complete because I’m missing your number.”
Is it really though? Is this really the best pick up line in the world? Has any human adult woman actually fallen for this line? Also, do they ask what kind of book or do you ask it for them? And wouldn’t that imply that you’ve already collected the numbers of everybody else in your area? That’s kind of creepy.
After running a small focus group with the women in the office, it looks like the actual best pick up line in the world is “Hi, my name is Ryan Reynolds” as long as you’re Ryan Reynolds saying it.
2. “Year 4, Day ?? – morale is low, still single, send heellllppp”
You’re probably single because you post ridiculous, desperate pleas to an anonymous app about how you’re single. Also if you actually tried to pronounce “heellllppp” the way you spelled it, you’d sound ridiculous. Three Ps in a row? Really?
3. “I took a personality testy his morning, here is the 4 letter combination I got. G.O.A.T.
4. “Googles “how to be less miserable.””
This actual Yak isn’t excellent. In fact, it’s kind of sad. That being said, somebody replied by saying “Steal some bread, go to prison, get out, skip parole, adopt an orphan, and get lost in the Paris sewers with a half dead body” and that is the funniest thing I’ve seen on Yik Yak.
Can this app actually be used for good? Are there actually some clever, original people that contribute? Maybe Yik Yak isn’t as bad as I thought!
5. “Can I send some poop grams for Valentine’s Day? I think that’d be cute :)”
6. Forever grateful for professor’s kids that get sick
7. “That clown has no penis!”
Yep. Yik Yak is still the worst.
*Author’s note: Typos in Yaks are left in so that you understand what we’re dealing with.