Your team just made the NCAA tournament and you’re already noticing some changes around the school. There’s a buzz in the air, and for once it’s not that swarm of gnats that plagues campus. It’s March Madness, otherwise known as that time of year that everybody mispronounces “Gonzaga” in national conversation.
Despite what your neighbor who spends thousands of dollars on Christmas decorations may say, March Madness is the best time of the year. Sure, summer is pretty great and Christmas sure is swell, but there’s nothing quite like March Madness.
1. School Spirit Becomes Wonderfully Horrifying
Last year, Gonzaga’s old student center (R.I.P. Crosby, both the student center as well as the singer) would be overflowing with Zags every time GU played. Students were chanting, dancing, and taunting teams that were playing across the country. It was like being at a home game, except you didn’t have to wait 12 hours for a ticket.
Moments like these are the ones you’ll look back on when you’re old and think, “Wow, college sure was a better time. Also, I can’t believe President Blue Ivy Carter picked Appalachian State to beat Alaska Bible College in the finals.”
2. Small Talk Is Now Super Easy
Before March, it may have been hard for you to talk to your crush because you were afraid you’d run out of topics to talk about. When your team’s in the tournament, conversation has never been easier. Even if you know nothing about sports, you can still use vague language and have a wonderful conversation. Some examples:
“I read online there was a 50 percent chance we win this game. Stats are crazy!”
“Isn’t it insane how the team that should have won didn’t win?”
“I genuinely believe that if Team A’s defense prevents Team B’s offense from scoring more points than them, Team A will take this one.”
3. So Are Pick Up Lines
“That center isn’t the only person who could use a rebound.”
“Are you Seton Hall? Because I’d like to take you out as soon as possible.”
“Call me CSU Bakersfield, because I’d be pleasantly surprised if you picked me.”
Invite me to the wedding when these inevitably work.You’ll owe me.
4. The Bench Players Step Up Their Celebrations
Watching elite teams pour their hearts and souls into their sport is a pretty amazing thing to watch. Seeing the members of those elite teams who have played a total of five minutes this year come up with beautifully choreographed celebrations is even more amazing to watch. Just look up “NCAA Bench Celebrations” and you’ll see what I mean.
5. Bracket Tournaments Are Super Fun Until That One Kid Nobody Knows That Was Invited Into The Group By Your Friend Wins $50 Dollars By Choosing Teams Based On Their Uniform Colors, Damn It Brandon, Stop Inviting Keith
6. Gonzaga Becomes Relevant Again
Let’s be honest: would anybody know anything about Gonzaga if we didn’t make the tournament for the past 18 consecutive years? Gonzaga sounds like slang used by middle schoolers. We’re a small, Jesuit school located in Spokane, WA. Let’s not kid ourselves.
7. Literally Anything Can Happen
The chances of getting a perfect bracket are 1 in 9.2 quintillion. Researching this stat is the first time I’ve actually seen the word “quintillion” written down. Ask a child how much 9.2 quintillion is and they’ll think that you’re making up numbers. Nobody has ever gotten a perfect bracket. Every year, there are upsets and disappointments that make it impossible to predict what happens. Nothing is guaranteed, which is why I’ve put tens of thousands of dollars on an Austin Peay vs. Fairleigh Dickinson championship game.
In any case, don’t listen to the experts. Listen to a blogger with little to no basketball experience who won’t admit he doesn’t know what a “Tar Heel” is. Anything can happen, so don’t lose faith in your school. Everybody always roots for the underdog anyways, so let’s give them something to cheer for.