Some of you may remember a former segment on the Bulldog Blog, Ben Yaks Back, where a writer would respond to the popular app Yik Yak. Yik Yak (or Twitter for cowards) is an anonymous feed where people can say whatever they want, which can prompt some inappropriate, weird, and sometimes (mostly) downright stupid content. Yik Yak also uses location services on your phone, so the Yaks you see are guaranteed to be from people in your area. This is my response.
1.“Such a bummer that I don’t have the legs for sundresses”
2.“You can’t spell overreacting without ovary. (Cue over-reactions)”
…Wrong? You absolutely can spell “overreacting” without “ovary”. In fact, that’s the only way you can spell “overreacting.” You literally spelled “overreacting” without using the word “ovary” in your Yak. And then you spelled overreactions with a hyphen.
A. “Walking past tour groups on campus is like being an extra in a movie”
B. “Did Gonzaga import 400 new really attractive girls just cuz it’s spring”
C. “Why is the weather always good when the tour groups are here?”
It looks like Yik Yak is starting to suspect what I’ve been thinking for years. Let’s look at the facts.
Fact: During the summer, Gonzaga’s weather becomes weirdly perfect.
Fact: When the sun’s out, every single student on campus is suspiciously attractive.
Fact: Everybody is always smiling. It’s weird.
Only Logical Conclusion: Gonzaga isn’t a real university, but rather a movie set. Am I overreacting? Well you can’t spell “overreacting” without “truth.”
4. “Penis fly trap”
And we’ll call it a day.
*Author’s note: Typos in Yaks are left in so that you understand what we’re dealing with.