April is that time of year when the campus becomes beautiful but your personal life becomes ugly. Sure, the sun is shining and the campus looks straight out of a movie, but it’s hard to enjoy it under the combined weight of finals, work, papers, job hunting, extracurricular activities, and those dreaded group projects.
There are a lot of wacky characters on campus. Let’s take a look at a few of these marvelous creatures wandering campus as school comes to a close.
1. The Student That Has Given Up On Just About Everything
When faced with a seemingly impossible task, it takes tremendous effort, determination, and grit to defy the odds and walk away as a hero. If this student budgets their time properly, studies through their weekends, and maintains a positive attitude, they’ll be able to get their grade up and leave the spring semester with a GPA that will be good enough to brag to their parents about.
…But that’s like a ton of work. It’s so much easier to skip classes and eat an entire pizza in your bed, so that’s what you’ll do instead every day until the semester’s done. In the long run, grades aren’t everything.
2. The Stresser
Finals are in four weeks. FOUR WEEKS. You still have that project in biology you haven’t started yet, a religion paper due every Monday, and a presentation in Italian that isn’t looking very preperato. Your agenda has so many notes and due dates scrawled in it that it looks like the manifesto of a serial killer. You’re going to be up until 3:00 AM every night polishing the same essay over and over because you absolutely cannot afford to ruin that 4.0 of yours. After all, you know that if you don’t get an A in this Indians of the Columbian Plateau class, you’ll never find love and you’re going to die alone.
3. The Guy That Refuses To Acknowledge The Fact That Finals Are Coming Up
Finals are four weeks away? That’s like a year from now. Sure, you’ll stress about everything you have to do at some point, but that’s for future you to worry about. Rather than start studying in small increments for that accounting test or start writing that paper due next week, you’ll just watch the complete collection of Kitchen Nightmares on Netflix. If you don’t think about finals, they’re not a problem.
4. The Freshman Who Got Absolutely Screwed On Housing/Classes
The only classes you were able to get were just five different sections of Intermediate Arabic II. You and your roommate got the worst housing times, so now the school’s put you in a Motel 6 in Tacoma. Sophomore year’s going to be interesting, that’s for sure.
5. The Senior That’s Laughing At All Of The Freshmen Who Got Absolutely Screwed On Housing/Classes
Looking at all of those freshmen freaking out over classes is hilarious to you and you’re not quite sure why. Maybe it’s because it’s easier to laugh at the panicked freshmen than to think about the fact that you have no job or place to live lined up after graduation, which is in five weeks. Maybe it’s because you heard some kid got stuck in a Motel 6 in Tacoma. Either way, it’s hilarious.
6. The Basketball Fans That Aren’t Sure What To Do With Their Lives Now
You came to this school for one thing: free Zags basketball tickets. Now that the season’s over you’re not sure what to do with your life. Everything on campus seems… different, almost as if you’re seeing it for the first time. You try to fill that basketball-sized hole in your heart with other activities, but nothing works.
Plus, now you’re stressed because the doctors are telling you that having a basketball-sized hole in your heart isn’t at all normal and you’re definitely going to need surgery.
7. The Kid Who Finally Shows Up To Class For The First Time Since January And OF COURSE HE STEALS THE SEAT YOU’VE BEEN SITTING IN FOR THE ENTIRE SEMESTER BECAUSE HE’S A GODDAMN MONSTER WITH NO REGARD FOR HUMAN DECANCY AND DESERVES TO BE PUNISHED
SERIOUSLY. WHO THE HELL DOES THIS.
8. The Student Who Has Their Life Annoyingly Together
Look at that girl. How does she manage to work full-time and take 18 credits and still have time to go on morning jogs and cook gourmet healthy meals for herself? Your weekends consist of sleeping until noon and playing FIFA until you’re tired. Her weekend consists of five different hikes and her volunteer work with impossibly adorable animals and children. She looks so happy. I hate it.