As a Gonzaga student, you always have to hear why Gonzaga is so great. You get bombarded with pro-Gonzaga propaganda on a daily basis, hearing phrases like “top ten best places to study business” or “thirteenth best alumni network” or “good enough for Bing Crosby.” It gets really annoying after a while.
As a respected journalist [Editor’s note: he is neither of those things], I feel it is my duty to give the readers multiple perspectives of Gonzaga. Enjoy this future-Pulitzer winning article on why you shouldn’t miss Gonzaga over the summer.
1. You’ll Finally Get To Open Your Own Doors
At Gonzaga, everyone’s always holding doors open for one another. Sure, some people see this as courtesy, but I hate it. There’s nothing quite like opening your own doors, the way God intended. In order, my favorite parts about going home for the summer are:
1. Opening all the doors I want with no assistance
2. Homemade food
3. I guess seeing my parents
Gonzaga students, while mostly great, deprive me of that good ol’ fashioned door opening. I won’t miss that.
2. You Won’t Have To Say Hi To A Billion People When Walking Anywhere
One of the most annoying parts about going to a school like Gonzaga is how cloyingly friendly the people are. Even the people that you kind of recognize will wave to you in passing or even stop you for a brief conversation. You can’t walk for five minutes without seeing somebody you know. Back in your hometown, everybody just ignores everybody else, giving your wrist time to rest after all that exhausting waving.
3. You Don’t Have To Be Involved
When you’re on campus, there’s an unspoken rule that you have to be involved. That’s why there are over 150 student-initiated clubs and organizations on campus and roughly 58% of all students participate in intramural sports. Sure, that sounds great and everything, but have you ever tried not being involved in something? It’s around 100% easier than being involved in something. Take this summer to catch up on Netflix.
4. You Finally Won’t Be Surrounded By Incredibly Attractive People All The Time
Arguably one of the worst parts about Gonzaga is the sheer volume of attractive people on campus at any given time. No matter what group of people you’re with at any given time, you’ll probably be the ugliest one there by far. Back in your hometown, you can finally breathe easy knowing that people can settle for a creature such as yourself.
5. You Can Finally Take A Break From Those Exhausting Lifelong Friendships You’ve Made
Sure, you’ve formed those bonds with friends that have become the most meaningful relationships you’ve ever experienced in your life, but do you know how tiring it is to be surrounded by people who will always support you and be there for you? All those life-changing experiences and all that constant positivity is way too much.
Over the summer, you’ll get to hang out with those friends who you’ll realize haven’t changed since high school. That’s more like it.
6. Your Snapchat/Instagram Friends Won’t Be Bombarded With Beautiful Views Of Campus
For months, you’ve been annoying your friends with social media posts about how beautiful Gonzaga’s campus is. Look, they get it. They’ve seen all those sunsets 80 times, and they’re sick of it.
I mean look at this garbage.
7. F*****g Gnats.
When the weather’s nice, there are swarms of gnats. They suck. I will absolutely not miss this.