Some of you may remember a former segment on the Bulldog Blog, Ben Yaks Back, where a writer would respond to the popular app Yik Yak. Yik Yak (or Twitter for cowards) is an anonymous feed where people can say whatever they want, which can prompt some inappropriate, weird, and sometimes (mostly) downright stupid content. Yik Yak also uses location services on your phone, so the Yaks you see are guaranteed to be from people in your area. This is my response.
1. “What are snails even trying to do?”
Right? I don’t trust those little guys. Snails are basically just slugs who have something to hide. I hate them.
2. “I need friends and pizza”
Do you really need both? Honestly, you can live a long, happy life with just one of those things. May I suggest the one that will never bail on plans and will also come with a liter of soda?
3. “To the gorgeous guy I passed in the orange/red shirt today- *Heart Eyed Emoji* *Heart Eyed Emoji*”
Is that as smooth as you can be, player? If by some miracle we found this orange/red shirted guy put you together in a room, you would be content with just showing him that emoji with hearts for eyes? Is that really your only message for him?
Romance is dead.
Love is dead.
4. “420 more like “more money” because I need more money to buy more weed.”
… What? “420” doesn’t even kind of rhyme with “more money,” if that’s what you were going for. Maybe you don’t need to buy more weed because you must already be on something.
*Author’s note: Typos in Yaks are left in so that you understand what we’re dealing with.