6 Pieces Of Advice You’ll Get During Midterms That Will Guarantee You’ll Fail

 

Midterms are less than fun. I’d go as far as saying that they’re pretty darn lame. Studying is for dweebs, after all. Yet, they’re an inevitable part of the college experience we all have to go through. Many “experts” out there claim that they know guaranteed ways to pass midterms and study effectively.

Don’t listen to them. They’re just part of the system. Trust nobody, sheeple. Nobody except me, that is. Here are six pieces of advice you’ll inevitably get during midterms that you should just ignore.

1. “It’s Just Midterms, Only Finals Matter!”

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It’s Tuesday night and you have a statistics midterm tomorrow at 8:00 AM. You get a text from your friend asking you to go out to some bar you’ve never heard of because it’s $1 absinthe night and they’re an awful friend. When you tell them that you don’t want to drink the beverage that killed most of our greatest artists, they’ll hit you with this line: “It’s just a midterm, only finals matter.”

Don’t fall for it. Even if you can afford to fail the midterm and still get your grade up to an A by finals, why would you put yourself through that? It’s so much easier to just do mediocre on your midterm and have a bit of a cushion.

2. “Just Drink A Ton Of Red Bull The Night Before And Cram!”
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Effective studying includes spacing out your study sessions, testing yourself on the same material until you get it perfect every time, and taking effective breaks every now and then to make sure you don’t overwork yourself.

Ineffective studying includes not sleeping, pouring a cocktail of chemicals you can’t pronounce into your body, and trying to fit 2 months worth of information into 12 hours. Just don’t do it.

3. “Work Hard, Play Hard!”

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This is a common mistake students make all the time. The idea is that if you work hard, then you deserve to go crazy in your free time. Look, I get it. You’re in college, there’s a keg of Four Loko waiting for you next door, and studying is for nerds. Next thing you know, you’re running across campus naked and you accidentally punch a professor in the face because you thought he was a clown.

Now you’re being accused of indecent exposure and assault. Good luck trying to focus on your exam tomorrow! Next time, just wait until midterms are over.

4. “You Don’t Have To Prepare For Your Trial, That’s What Lawyers Are For!”

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You want to study for that psychology midterm, but you also think it may be a good idea to go over what you’re going to be saying tomorrow in court for your indecent exposure and assault charges. Inevitably, your friend who tried to take you to $1 absinthe night will stop by the station and give you this gem of advice.

Even though your lawyer is a professional and is very good at what they do, you should still go over your case with them and practice how you’re going to handle yourself in front of the jury. This is a crucial thing to do which, if you don’t do, you could risk missing multiple days of school when you’re charged for a felony.

5. “Most Judges Take Bribes!”

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Things are settling down for your case, and you’re starting to think that you may be able to finally get back to that textbook. That’s when Absinthe Friend gives you the brilliant idea to pay off the judge to guarantee you’ll get a good night’s sleep and extra studying time. Now, on top of your assault and public nudity charges, you’re being accused of the federal crime of bribery and you’re facing up to 20 years of prison.

Talk about a case of the Mondays!

 6. “It’s Okay To Eat Junk Food While Studying, You Deserve It!”

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You may think that just because you’ve studied for 3 hours straight that you deserve an entire pizza. SMH, people. Your body’s a temple!

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