Going to the gym can be a struggle, especially when you have to drag yourself over what seems like a cascade range of snow mountains and skate across roads of ice to get there. But once you arrive to complete your hastily-researched ab workout and try desperately not to fall off the treadmill, it feels well worth the effort.
While you’re there, you can either watch the TVs or you can look around and check out your fellow gym-rats. With such great characters present, the people-watching should keep you well-occupied as you sweat out the whole pint of ice cream you ate the night before.
1. The Guy Making Too Much Noise.
Maybe he’s showing off, maybe he truly cannot control the unholy noises emerging from his mouth, but it is near to impossible to ignore. As soon as his grunts and groans pierce through the Top Forty you have blasting through your headphones, that’s when it becomes unnatural and frankly, unsettling.
2. The Person Taking an Insane Amount of Selfies.
No shame on self-love here, but spending upwards of 20 minutes in front of the mirror, perfecting the flex that makes all your muscles pop is not only an odd way to spend time at the gym but honestly, very entertaining to observe. Just know that when I see that picture on Instagram in 20 minutes, I, and the rest of the gym will know just how long it took to capture your amazing physical aesthetic.
3. The Nun On The Treadmill.
This is literally one of the biggest motivations to go to the gym. Seeing a nun on a treadmill is like seeing a unicorn in the wild. It is the best thing ever just because of the incongruity of it, but gosh darn, if it doesn’t make my day every time I spy one of our amazingly motivated Sisters walking the treadmill like it’s a fricken runway.
4. A Professor You Make Awkward Eye Contact With.
Similar to the nun on the treadmill, but a little bit worse. It is fun to see professors in unlikely places, but also you are left with the haunting feeling that tomorrow in class they will remember how terrible you are at sit ups and visibly cringe. So you will smile slightly and maybe wave before quickly turning away and consciously correcting your form.
5. The Guys Who Are Just There To Ball.
No time for weights or machines, these boys are here to ball and ball hard. Some of the happiest people you will see at the gym and also some of the most intense. Carefree balling combined with a healthy sense of competition means that these kids will roll in with their squad and hit the court for two or more hours.
You will see them as you head up to the personal sweat hell that is the stair climber and you will curse the day you quit basketball in fourth grade.
6. The Guy Just Walking Around Drinking A Protein Shake.
Did he even work out? He probably did but it is near impossible to tell as he struts from machine to machine, floor to floor, sipping on some sweet strawberry protein, hair flawless, skin shining, not a drop of sweat in sight. His tank top straps are so thin and his eyes so playful as he just wanders around watching everyone else work out. You hate him, you love him, he’s just trying to bulk up, man.
7. The Girls Walkin’ And Talkin’ On The Treadmills.
These girls didn’t bring their headphones because they have had a standing date with their friend for the last month and a half to go to the gym and just talk. Walking side by side on the treadmills, ponytails bobbing and laughter bubbling, these girls tell each other about their days and truly care. They inspire little jealousy or anger simply because of how good of a time they are having. You go, girls.
8. That One Guy That You Know Is Using The Machine Wrong.
Should you go get a worker? Is this guy just doing some sweet muscle exercise only the elite know about? Or does he truly believe that machine works that way when you know for a fact that it doesn’t?
A little scary, kind of weird, but very entertaining, this person has been going at it from a little more than ten minutes now, and although it is tempting, you refrain from putting it on your snap story, remembering the time you dropped your phone in between the elliptical legs and almost lost an arm. You win some and you lose some. But you’re pretty sure that guy is losing.
9. The Person Who Is There So Often, You’re Pretty Sure They Live There.
Even though you don’t have a set gym time, this person is there every single time you are. Are they stalking you? Don’t they have class? When do they sleep? As much as you admire their commitment, it’s a little weird and a little intimidating. Go home dude, the gym will still be there tomorrow.