Fat Tuesday is today (or every Tuesday if you’re me), which means that tomorrow is the first day of Lent. Since Gonzaga is a Jesuit university, Lent is pretty important to a lot of folks here in Spokane. According to Wikipedia, Lent is a reflective time for Christians to pray, be charitable, and give up some things that they do for pleasure.
However, many non-Christians just use Lent as a time to challenge themselves and give something up for 40 days. For a majority of people, it’s hard to decide what to give up for 40 days. It’s especially difficult if, like me, you forgot that Lent existed until the day before it started.
With that in mind, here is a carefully curated list of things you can give up for Lent at Gonzaga, created exclusively for you and nobody else, [INSERT YOUR NAME HERE].
A classic Lent goal is to give up sweets. That’s a very inefficient way to become completely miserable. If you really want to be hate life at Gonzaga, all you need to give up are cookies, specifically the fresh chocolate chip cookies available at SubCo on Cookie Night each week.
I can barely go seven days without those lil’ guys, so 40 days would really make your life just awful. It makes a man want to cry just thinking about it.
2. March Madness
Seeing as how GU just went 29-1, I can say with at least 30% confidence that we’ll make it into the March Madness tournament. When we inevitably start playing in the tourney, it’ll be all anyone talks about.
If you choose to give up March Madness for Lent, have a fun time trying to navigate conversations with your friends and avoiding talking about basketball. Your safest course of action will be to just not talk to anyone. Ever. Even after Lent.
3. Taking The Elevator To Fourth Floor College Hall
I genuinely believe that if I trained every day, dedicated years of my life to increasing my fitness, and motivated myself properly that I could eventually run a marathon. That being said, I do not think that I will ever, in this life or any other, be able to climb the stairs to the fourth floor of College Hall without losing my breath.
If you really want to regret every decision you’ve ever made, just eliminate taking the elevator to the top floor whenever you have class there! It’s a great way to get in shape AND feel like you’ll never get in shape.
4. The Color Red
If there was one weird-but-true stereotype that I had to make about Gonzaga, it would be our obsession with the color red. Before attending GU, I had exactly one red shirt (depicting Abraham Lincoln with sunglasses and the caption “No Lie,” for those of you that were curious).
After attending, I now have roughly a trillion red shirts, maybe more. If our school existed in the Star Trek universe, attendance would be shockingly low. Yes, that’s the nerdiest joke I’ve ever made in a blog. Yes, that’s also the reason I’ll never truly find love.
Giving up the color red would be a great way to be absolutely miserable! Not only would you decrease your wardrobe by 80%, but you’d also stand out in the crowd at any Zag watch parties you attend.
5. Holding The Door For Someone
One of the most adhered to unwritten rule at Gonzaga is that students will hold the door for one another, even if that person is an uncomfortable distance away or it is a large tour group that takes five minutes to pass.
Just imagine a life at GU where you don’t get to watch a fellow student do that awkward half-jog half-shuffle thing when you open the door for them but they’re too far away. That would be, to quote the 45th President of the United States, “Sad!”
Oh boy. If you really want to be stressed and angry all the time at Gonzaga, all you really have to do is give up snow. While this is an admittedly weird thing to give up for Lent, it would be more difficult than you’d expect, seeing as how it KEEPS FREAKING SNOWING ALL THE TIME EVEN THOUGH IT’S BASICALLY SPRING.
Just try to give up anything snow-related. Don’t walk on it, don’t let it fall on you, and don’t even think about watching Frozen. It’s a good way to induce panic attacks at least once an hour.
Good luck with your next 40 days, Zags.