The 8 Stages Of Going Home For Spring Break

Spring break is next week, and it couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. With no school for an entire week, stressed out college kids will be flocking to classic party spots like Cancun, Vegas, and Miami to spend their vacation soaking up the sun on the beach, partying with their closest friends, and enjoying all the things that life can offer an attractive 20-something with no major responsibilities.

You, however, will not be there. Whether it was because of money, family, or the fact that you have one friend (on a good day), you will be spending the week in your hometown that’s so unimpressive you just tell strangers you live in the big city 20 minutes away.


1. Make Plans To Be Productive

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Fine, so your break isn’t going to be as exciting as some of your friends. That doesn’t mean you can’t make the most of it! While they’re out partying at some of the best clubs in the US, you can use this time to be super productive.

You can get ahead on homework, start running on a regular basis, and finally get around to reading a book for fun for the first time since 8th grade. Let the others waste their time, you’re going to become great!

2. Get Bored And See If Any High School Friends Are Home

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You discover pretty quickly that being productive is super boring, so you decide to reach out to your old high school friend group to see if they want to catch up. Even though you’ve drifted apart recently, you know that, when push comes to shove, they’ll always be there for you and you’ll always be there for them.

3. Realize That None Of Your High School Friends Are Home

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It turns out they’re not there for you. Every single friend from high school is either still in school, out on vacation making memories that will last a lifetime, or are busy running an underground weapons market overseas (you hung out with some sketchy people in high school).

But it’s fine! You’re fine, you’re not bitter. You just have more time to be productive, that’s all. Without the distraction of friends, you can get so much done.

4. Eat Like An Unholy Pig-Monster

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Just as you’re about to be productive, you remember the one thing that makes your spring break way better than your friends’ – you get unlimited, free, homemade food. You no longer have to figure out how to make dinner with half a packet of fruit snacks and mayonnaise when your mom is around!

 5. Take Thousands Of BuzzFeed Quizzes

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You’re finally going to be productive, but first you’re just going to take this quiz to see which kid from Stranger Things you are (you’re Barb).

It’s not until 32 hours later when you realize that you’re taking a quiz to see what your preference of Neo-Gothic European Cathedrals says about your taste in men that you realize that you’re not ever going to do anything remotely productive this break.

6. Rewatch The Office For The 14th Time

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You might as well steer into the skid, you guess. Sure, you’ve watched this show 13 times already and can quote entire episodes if you felt like it. But maybe on the 14th time you’ll find something you haven’t seen before! You’re not watching that stupid “Scott’s Tots” episode though.

 7. Cry

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You wasted an entire week. You’re starting to forget what the outdoors look like. What has your life come to? You could have done so much! There goes an entire week of your life that you’ll never be able to get back. You are nothing. You are insignificant. You are already full of regrets, and you still have another 60 years left on the planet.

8. Return To Campus And Tell Your Friends You Did A Lot Of Hiking

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“Yeah, I really just spent a lot of time outdoors, you know? I mean don’t get me wrong, your time in Mexico sounds fun and all, but there’s just something about being out in nature that you can’t even compete with. I’m glad I didn’t waste an entire week.”

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Categories: Holidays, Uncategorized

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