Spring Break is almost mythical in its reputation and real life spring break is filled with the people fulfilling the typical characters of the beach. Let’s take a look back at all the friends, enemies, and idiots we met this last week.
1. The Guy Who Never Puts His Shirt On
We get it, you have abs. It doesn’t matter that they’re partially obscured by his growing beer belly, this shooting star of a man either didn’t pack shirts, or he did, and just decided to go topless for a 48 hour period. His confidence is high this spring break and by golly he is going to show off the pecs he’s been lovingly working out one to two times at the gym every week. It doesn’t matter if it’s dark out, or if he’s inside, his body will be on display, and like it or not, you will look at it.
2. The Person Who Thinks They’re Invincible, But Who Definitely Isn’t
They’ve been slamming them back since practically dawn and show no sign of stopping. They challenge people to chugging contests just because, and are definitely the most gone by 11 am. While these people might be the most fun at the beginning of the day, or week, their endurance probably isn’t that good, and no matter how hard they try, they’re asleep by three. Nevertheless, they posted a picture on Instagram proclaiming that they “won” spring break, even though you know the truth; that they went too hard and had to be tucked in. It’s a marathon,kids, not a sprint.
3. Your New Best Friend
How have you never met this person before? They share the same interests; have the same sense of humor, and like the same music as you. You become fast friends and end up spending the rest of the week hanging out and making inside jokes. Unfortunately, they go to a school across the country, and even though you promise to stay in touch, you know in your heart that these connections fade over time. Maybe not though. Maybe you guys will visit each other and develop a lasting relationship that culminates in being in each other’s wedding parties. Probably not though.
4. Woo Girls
This is stolen directly from How I Met Your Mother but very applicable. These are people that “woo” after anything vaguely exciting happens. Spotting a puppy, taking a drink, a high five, the possibilities for wooing are endless. Though called Woo Girls, people of any gender can fit this moniker. For example, one time at Zeeks Pizza my brother let out an excited, loud “woo” when the pizza got to the table.
5. The Parent
This is the kid in the friend group who takes it upon themselves to arrange the trip and book the hotel. They make sure everyone has a good time, wears sunscreen and doesn’t get too crazy. They set out water and advil on everyone’s nightstands and is a true believer in “no man left behind.” While sometimes annoying, no one would survive without this person.
6. The Person Who Thinks They Don’t Need Sunscreen
Burned, blistered, peeling. This kid decided to forgo sunscreen while loudly proclaiming “don’t worry bro, I’m a quarter Italian.” This won’t save him from six hours in the sun and he will pay the price later that night, when he gets back to his hotel and notices just how red he really is. Hopefully he brought aloe vera because he’s in a significant amount of pain.
7. People Just There To Take Pictures
I’m pretty sure a green screen would have been cheaper than Cabo but here we are. This person has been precariously tensing, flexing, and barely shifting the position of their cup in order to get a wide variety of shots for their camera roll. I like my social media just as much as the next person but when you spend more time making plans according to what you think will get you the most likes later, that’s taking it too far man. Personal anecdote: last week I witnessed a girl sitting on a guys shoulders pretending to pour beer into his mouth for what must have been at least ten minutes. He didn’t even get any beer! That’s just wrong people.
8. The People Who Are Trying To Recreate Spring Breakers
Spring Break is a wild time, man, full of sand and solo cups, mistakes and triumphs. No matter how this last week went for you, if you had the pleasure to meet any of these people, it will not be a week forgotten.