College is great, but there are three things I really dislike: the massive debt I’m accumulating, the stress of trying to maintain good grades and a social life, and the fact that it feels like there’s never enough time to get into the Christmas spirit due to how close it is to the end of the semester.
Since it’s way too much effort to deal with the first two problems and I’m incredibly lazy, we’re going to focus on how to get into a Christmas-y mood in short notice. Follow these steps and you’ll felling jolly in no time!
1. Listen To All The Christmas Music You Can
Christmas music is festive and fun for 25 days of the year and unbearable for the other 340 days. You probably already wasted a good handful of those days during finals, when you probably had to work to a calming, “study-friendly” playlist (which for me is Dancing Queen by ABBA on repeat).
You don’t have time to waste on this. Find every electronic device in your house that’s capable of playing music, find the most popular Christmas playlists on Spotify, and play them all at once. Some people will say that this is ridiculous. Those people are cowards.
2. Carol As Much As Possible
You’ve probably heard the phrase “the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear,” most likely from the hit movie Elf or from that annoying girl in your English class who thinks that she’s clever for quoting a movie that most people have seen a few dozen times.
Take this advice to heart. Sing Christmas songs at everything and everyone at the top of your lungs. Scream “Santa Baby” at your neighbors. Take over the intercom at your local grocery store and belt out Wham’s “Last Christmas.” Call your crush and serenade them with “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.” If this doesn’t force you into the Christmas spirit, nothing will.
3. Decorate Christmas Trees
You’re probably chuckling to yourself and thinking “this blogger nerd made a typo. He added an ‘s’ to the end of ‘tree!’”
Well you couldn’t be more wrong and now you look like a fool. Decorating one tree is a luxury for those who have had more than a week to get into the Christmas spirit. Go to Costco, find the largest box of ornaments they sell, and decorate every tree you can find. It doesn’t even matter if they’re trees at this point; you can make it a Christmas tree. Even cacti will do, it doesn’t matter. You don’t have time to ask yourself questions like “is this a tree?” or “will my neighbors be mad at me for decorating their dog?”
4. Chug Some Eggnog
Ah, eggnog: the most decisive beverage since kombucha. This rich seasonal drink is full of Christmas-y spices, which is exactly what you need to get into the spirit of the season.
Of course, it’s far too late to just sip on your eggnog and actually enjoy the taste. Christmas is tomorrow, which means you have no choice but to fill yourself with the quintessential holiday beverage as quickly as possible. You can even show off your new college skills by beer bonging or shotgunning the carton!
5. Take A Moment To Reflect
Christmas is a great time to take a pause and reflect on your life and think back on the past year!
You realize, sitting on the floor covered in eggnog stains and listening to your neighbors yell at you to stop playing 15 different Christmas songs at once, that maybe this past year wasn’t what you wanted it to have been.
Why are you trying to rush things? Have you learned nothing from the Christmas episodes of every sitcom ever? You can’t force Christmas spirit, can you?
Every year you try to convince yourself that you can be jollier and more festive, but by doing this you find that you only get stressed and you’re still missing something.
You wonder if you’re preventing yourself from enjoying Christmas because you’re so caught up in what you think Christmas should be. You look at the needles that have fallen onto the floor from the 12 miniature Christmas trees you bought on impulse from Costco. You begin to feel sad.
You decide that reflecting is stupid and shotgun another carton of eggnog instead.
6. Sit On The Lap Of Anyone That Even Looks Like Santa
You’re gonna sit on the lap of anyone that even remotely looks like Mr. Clause, despite being an adult-sized adult, and you’re gonna tell them what you want for Christmas (more ABBA CDs!).
Watch out, old fat men with white beards!
Have a wonderful holiday season, nerds.